Jul
How To Capture a Rakish Lord
Welcome back to the Ballroom, lovely guests! But, oh dear. I guess I should have anticipated this. At last week’s debut, after I mentioned that my heroine in Captured by a Rogue Lord, Miss Serena Carlyle, might be helpful in answering questions about adventurous heroes, her ears perked right up. In fact, she asked if she could visit the ball today to offer us all a few suggestions on how a lady of exemplary virtue—
SERENA: Not precisely exemplary.
—modest virtue—
SERENA: Tarnished, in point of fact.
—somewhat compromised virtue—
SERENA: Completely nonexistent, actually.
—not entirely spotless virtue might capture a rakish lord.
<squawk!> Rakish lords capture virtue! <squawk!>
Oh, hello, Albert. I hadn’t realized you’d arrived, though I suppose the empty tray of lobster patties should have tipped me off. But if you’re here, Lady B must be too, which is perfect, since I’m eager to hear what she thinks of Serena offering her scandalous suggestions at the ball today.
LADY B: Scandalous suggestions are the very reason I host balls, Miss Ashe. Do take your head out of all of those stuffy history books and use it for something sensible.
<squawk!> Rakish lords are stuffy! <squawk!>
SERENA: (laughs) Hardly, Albert. But I should like to offer some suggestions to other ladies who may have an eye on a handsome, roguish gentleman.
LADY B: Please, dear girl. We are all ears… and eyes. (adjusting monocle) —And the Duke of Read is all legs this evening, thank heavens! For a mature gentleman, he wears satin knee breeches remarkably well.— But where were we?
Serena’s recommendations for capturing a rakish lord.
<squawk!> Rakish lords wear tight breeches! <squawk!>
LADY B: We can only hope as often as possible.
SERENA: My first recommendation to a lady who may not be perfectly comfortable begging a kind hostess for an introduction to the rakish gentleman of her dreams: find him in a dark, abandoned parlor during a ball.
LADY B: The ideal location for a first encounter, I always say! What next?
SERENA: Next, she should find him in a dark alley late at night. Alone.
LADY B: Naturally alone. And then?
SERENA: Then she should find him in a dark alcove during a house party. Again, alone.
(Katharine lifts brow) Me thinks I’m starting to see a pattern here.
SERENA: Then, if he happens to own a ship, she should definitely visit him on his ship. In the dark, of course.
Alone, I’m guessing.
SERENA: Oh, most certainly alone.
<squawk!> Rakish lords are fond of the dark! <squawk!>
This is becoming pretty clear to us all. Serena?
SERENA: Yes?
Have you any other recommendations for a lady wishing to secure a match with a rakish lord—other than dark parlors, dark alleys, dark alcoves and dark ships, that is?
SERENA: Well, I’d thought to mention dark stables and dark gardens. But I could stop here.
MISS OCTAVIA PIERCE: Don’t forget dark billiards rooms.
Octavia, how nice of you to join us!
LADY B: Ah, Miss Pierce, just back from your long sojourn abroad and lately seen whispering in corners with the gorgeously mysterious Marquess of Doreé. That delicious man owns a fleet of ships and is rich as Croesus. Are you hoping to be the lady who will share his fortune?
OCTAVIA: Lady B, if only all ladies in Society were as direct as you I might be a great deal more comfortable in it.
What was that you said just then, Octavia… about billiards rooms?
SERENA: Yes, I am intrigued.
<squawk!> Aren’t we all? Rakish lords intrigue! <squawk!>
OCTAVIA: Billiards tables, rather. (nods sensibly) It turns out that they are remarkably useful for coming to know a gentleman a little better. Or, rather, a lot.
LADY B: (readjusting monocle) I daresay. I do daresay. (looking Octavia up and down) Miss Pierce, I am inviting you back next month.
OCTAVIA: I will be most happy to return, Lady B. Thank you.
<squawk!> Rakish lords are happy! <squawk!>
LADY B: In my ballroom? Of course they are!
There we have it, Serena’s (and Octavia’s) recommendations for securing the attention of a rakish lord. So, dear guests, if you had your sights set on a gentleman rogue, how would you go about capturing him?
Jul 18, 2011
2:21 am
I am all about being in the dark parlor but I am more likely to find my gentleman rogue in the library. Accidentally, of course. But there must be a candle burning or at least a full moon shining through the window so he will be extremely taken with my green eyes and curious about the book I hold in my hand! I have to pretend I actually came to the library for a book, not looking for him, you know.
True story: I captured my own gentleman rogue by pretending to need a book he owned and constantly showing up at his doorstep to borrow it. Ladies, it works!
Jul 18, 2011
8:39 am
Julie S, fabulous idea! And I love to hear that you snagged your gent with a book. So did I! In class one day my dh-to-be mentioned a book, and I ran right out and checked it out of the library. The next time I saw him he was deeply impressed — especially since it turned out he hadn’t actually read it, LOL!
Jul 18, 2011
8:55 am
Cleverly done, Miss S. Of course, if the library is particularly grand, it often boasts a table as well.
Jul 18, 2011
8:31 am
Wonderful post Katharine, full of gossip-inducing tips. I’m curious about one thing. How do you play billiards in the dark? It must be very hard to see the balls.
Jul 18, 2011
8:40 am
Octavia notes that a lady enjoys more than one sense, after all. When necessary, she feels these things out.
Jul 18, 2011
10:01 am
I just spewed coffee on my keyboard, Miranda. Thanks for that.
Jul 18, 2011
12:21 pm
A keyboard ruined. My day is complete.
Jul 18, 2011
12:31 pm
You are a lady of remarkable accomplishments, Miranda.
Jul 18, 2011
11:51 am
Haha! I think we need to add “Billiards in the dark” to the list of naughty Regency parlour games. And Katharine is absolutely correct.
Jul 18, 2011
1:07 pm
“the list of naughty Regency parlour games” sounds like a great idea for a future post.
Jul 20, 2011
10:38 am
a list of “Naughty Regency parlor games” — yes, please!
Though “billiards in the dark” seems to me an excellent way to employ another handy technique for capturing a roguish hero, and that is to injure him. Mildly, in an … Ahem, nonessential place … and then nurse him back to health.
Jul 18, 2011
9:05 am
Great post Katharine! What a very intriguing question, and how lovely of Serena and Octavia to join us! Hhmm let me think. If I wanted to catch a rogue’s attention, I may take a page out of my cousin’s book. She is a longtime NYC native, but when she first met her husband, she pretended to be a newbie and asked him to show her around. Hey, it worked! So I would ask the gentleman in question for assistance with something he’s an expert at whether it be horse-riding, repairs, sports etc.
But I draw the line at what Julia Stiles did in 10 Things I Hate About You. As Heath Ledger said, “It’s not every day you find a girl who’ll flash someone to get you out of detention!” Maybe so, but definitely not my style, lol.
Jul 18, 2011
9:09 am
Loved that movie though, Lisa! My line is drawn as well.
Jul 18, 2011
9:28 am
LOL. I haven’t seen that movie, but she sounds positively brazen.
Your cousin was brilliant. 
Jul 18, 2011
3:36 pm
Well she’s based on Kate from Taming of the Shrew, so brazen is an apt description, Katharine-not to mention tempestuous, difficult, headstrong, and vulnerable as heck underneath! lol.
Jul 18, 2011
10:05 am
Ahhh…the things we do to capture the rake. I love the book reading and faking being new to the city…we’re so cunning as a gender!
As for me, when I was in college, I took up smoking (in the dark) so I could find a way to take smoke breaks with the man of my dreams–an uber rake (and actor, to boot!). The strategy worked; I caught the rake. But thankfully, the relationship was short lived. As was the smoking.
Jul 18, 2011
10:16 am
Let’s see…I would be bold as you please and ask him to help me fix the ribbons of my slippers. I’ve heard they tend to break easily.
If all went well, I’d ask him to check my garters next.
Jul 18, 2011
10:25 am
Oh, yes, it’s always lovely to have a man about to help fix things, isn’t it? And with this program, he could be fixing things all night long…
Jul 18, 2011
11:38 am
How would I go about capturing a roguish lord?
*readjusts bodice*
With my charm and wit, naturally.
Jul 18, 2011
11:49 am
Naturally!
Jul 18, 2011
11:56 am
These ladies give excellent advice. Of course, in my more brazen past, I found that simply meeting a man’s gaze, and holding it, across a crowded room was enough to secure his attention.
Jul 18, 2011
12:32 pm
Only a certain sort of lady can command that sort of magnetism. I bow to you, Sabrina.
Jul 18, 2011
5:23 pm
I’ve no doubt that is still the case, Miss Darby.
Jul 18, 2011
2:35 pm
I think wandering into a dark garden could provide with some fun with the right gentleman. I also like to catch one in just a dark corner of the ballroom. Or perhaps sitting across the dining table, capturing his glance and holding it just long enough for him to see the interest in my ocean blue eyes. A nice carriage ride can be equally interesting if the right gentleman were accompanying you.
Jul 18, 2011
2:58 pm
I like your flexibility, Melanie. So many opportunities for a lady if she’s on her toes!
Jul 18, 2011
3:31 pm
Sometimes a lady just has to create her own opportunities. What with all the lovely ladies Lady B invites to her events.
Jul 18, 2011
4:24 pm
I think a dark garden would be just the thing, with just enough moonlight to light the way. It must be during a ball, of course, so the strains of music can be heard softly in the background, but of course, my devilish rake and I would make our own sort of music. *g*
Jul 18, 2011
4:42 pm
My favorite kind of music, indeed, Gannon.
Jul 18, 2011
5:16 pm
I believe I saw Lord T— just left to take some air, Miss Gannon. Through the open doors at the far end of the ballroom. Near the potted ferns.
Jul 18, 2011
6:04 pm
I wonder if any sort of variation on the old sweater trick works on rakish lords. You know, the one where you attend a party or event or something at their house, or place of work, then “accidentally” leave your sweater behind and have to come back, quite alone, the next day or evening or middle of the night to fetch it.
I mean. Not that I ever used such underhanded methods to, like, acquire my husband. Or anything.
Jul 18, 2011
7:47 pm
Or anything, I’m sure. For certain.
Jul 20, 2011
10:42 am
The accessories may change throughout history, but the method? Timeless!
Jul 18, 2011
9:53 pm
I guess dancing on top of a table is out of the question….
Jul 18, 2011
9:55 pm
Dancing can be understood in any number of ways, of course.
Jul 20, 2011
3:48 pm
Just pick a sturdy piece of furniture – or maybe not if you wish to topple off into your rake’s arms.
Jul 18, 2011
10:13 pm
Positively infectious, Miss Ashe!
I daresay you can win a military rogue at a ball by displaying quite a bit of ankle (scandalous though it may be) and by being light of foot on the dance floor. I met my dashing officer this way. Suffice it to say, the tactic’s success has brought delight to many a darkened room.
Jul 18, 2011
10:28 pm
Oo, la la, Miss Bone! I applaud your nimble feet. And I am particularly fond of rogues in uniform. Yours is a lucky rogue indeed.
Jul 18, 2011
10:37 pm
I must admit a fondness for the brass.
Jul 19, 2011
8:00 am
I would go walking through the museums. Did you know that there are many alcoves set aside just to admire the artwork? Not to mention many pictures that you could wonder “Now how did they do that”?
Jul 19, 2011
10:28 pm
I adore museums. So many statues behind which a lady (and lord) might retire… if– when necessary!
Jul 19, 2011
8:11 am
Perhaps, just perhaps he has an unruly sister who despite my scandalous ways has become quite attached to me. I shall lead her back down the straight and narrow path just so I can catch his attention. Or perhaps at the next ball I will laugh outrageously loud with another rake in the corner to catch his attention. Is this called the bait and switch ? Or perhaps the best way of all is the way in which I caught my future husband’s attention. I baked him a blueberry cheesecake and gave it to him. Now did I know that happened to be his favorite? Of course!
Jul 19, 2011
10:28 pm
Marcia, if you bake me a blueberry cheesecake I will also marry you.
Jul 19, 2011
2:05 pm
It’s like Sensual Clue. Passionate kisses in the library with the Earl or inappropriate touching in the salon with the Duke. LOL.
I must agree with Sabrina. Men seem only to need a copulatory gaze of 3-5 seconds (yes, that is scientific) to be encouraged. …Long gaze in the garden with Marquis….
Clever post!
Jul 19, 2011
10:33 pm
Best to rely on science, I agree. (In fact, I would have liked to be part of that scientific study.)
p.s. Octavia notes that a long gaze with a marquis in a garden has a profound effect indeed, and recommends interested ladies to refer to the following as evidence: http://www.katharineashe.com/docs/a_romance_sampler.pdf
Jul 19, 2011
10:34 pm
p.p.s. I love Clue. My favorite board game of all time. And I think someone should in fact invent Sensual Clue. Please!
Jul 20, 2011
3:49 pm
Senusal Clue! Yes! Right up there with porno Scrabble, one of my favorites.
Jul 19, 2011
6:52 pm
How astute of you, Margs! I daresay I shall endeavor to prolong eye contact for at least 3-5 seconds henceforth, to ensure my ensnarement succeeds.
Jul 19, 2011
8:52 pm
I can’t wait to read about this pool table. Sounds very interesting.
Jul 19, 2011
10:34 pm
Octavia thought so too.
Jul 20, 2011
5:29 am
The folly! The folly! Always a great place for a tryst – and it can be utilised during daylight if one is clever.
Jul 20, 2011
10:39 am
As for dark, enclosed spaces, my characters have been fond of wardrobes.
Jul 20, 2011
6:17 pm
So . . . Miss Katharine you’ll like this scenario. How about if you pursue your tall dark and handsome teaching assistant in college? Yup that’s right!! I always had lots of questions that had to be answered after class. Of course, we didn’t start dating until I was finished with the course but . . . we’ve been married ever since!! He confesses now that I’m smarter than he is! Isn’t love grand???
Dec 13, 2011
1:31 pm
Normally I’m against killing but this article salguheterd my ignorance.