Aug
Mistresses in the Parlour!
(For the introductory notes on the ladies attending today’s improper salon at Lady B’s, please visit.)
In which Sabrina Darby introduces historical personages of dubious repute to Lady Beaufetheringstone:
Comtesse d’Agoult: Je ne veux pas m’asseoir dans une salle avec une femme si commune comme cette putain Plessis.
Lady B: Comtesse, there are impressionable animals present!
*Squawk* Putain *Squawk*
Panicking! We’ve only just made introductions and there’s trouble. I completely forgot that Franz Liszt had an affair with Marie Duplessis after Marie D’Agoult.
Marie Duplessis (coughing) Pauvre perroquet. Qui est cette femme vulgaire?
(Albert flies around Marie D’Agoult)
*squawk* vulgar woman! *squawk*
We’ve adjourned to the music room at the rear of the first floor, overlooking the garden and mews beyond as befitting such a gathering as this. Four of my guests have arrived but Mme de Montespan and Marie Walewska are simply staring at Comtesse d’Agoult as she rages and swats at Albert.
And as there’s nothing more certain to anger Lady B–indeed color is already staining her cheeks–I quickly intercede and tempt Albert away with a lobster patty.
Lady B: Well done, Miss Darby. Now, why did that wretched woman call her Plessis. Did you not say her name was Duplessis?
Comtesse D’Agoult: Diable!–
And as I am finding it difficult to follow the argument in French, cue Romance book translation.
Comtesse D’Agoult: –that aristocratic “Du” before her name is as false as her affection for Liszt. But pah, she is welcome to him.
Marie Duplessis: (coughing into her handkerchief and with every cough I admit I’m a bit worried about developing an equally consumptive hack…) Your novel Nelida, is a poor excuse for literature. I assure you, Comtesse, that penning such vicious words about an ex-lover is not the way to get him back. I am well-regarded by all of my past lovers.
Comtesse D’Agoult: (in a fine fury now, indeed I am tempted to remove all the china and porcelein from the room) As if you would know. I’m surprised you can even read!
Sabrina: Ladies! Please. Comtesse d’Agoult, sit down and have some tea.
We all stare at the comtesse, waiting on held breath to see what she’ll do.
She sniffs, takes the cup of tea that Mme. De Montespan hands her. She sits down.
Crisis averted.
It’s only after Marie D’Agoult sits down and takes a sip that I realize I should have warned her away from tea. After all, the French Marquise is well-known for her facility with poisons and the black arts.
But she’s still breathing, so…
Marie Walewska: This is most unseemly. Miss Darby, do you mean to say that you have invited me to a tête-à-tête with courtesans?
Oh no.
Lady B: (narrowing her eyes) I’m not entirely certain what to make of a lady who was sleeping with the enemy.
I did invite Marie Walewska for her connection to Napoleon.
Marie Walewska: I assure you, Lady Beaufetheringstone, if my country were not in such dire peril, I would never have graced the Emperor’s bed.
Lady B: Ah.
*squawk* Never! *squawk*
Lady B: Well, as you have, tell me, is Napoleon Bonaparte truly small in stature?
Marie Walewska: (shocked) You embarrass me, madam. (pause) He was as quick as his temper. (pause) And I thank God for that.
Lady B: Finally, a bit of gossip! I was expecting far more scandal from a room full of courtesans.
Comtesse D’Agoult: (glaring at Marie Duplessis, who is coughing again) There is only one courtesan in the room of whom I am aware. Only one very common lady.
Lady B: Miss Darby, I was under the impression that all of these women are mistresses. If I merely wanted to talk to noblewomen of loose morals, I could easily have done so in the ballroom amongst our own society.
Sabrina: I believe we have come up against the fine distinction between courtesan and mistress.
Mme. De Montespan: To be a mistress is a calling. I was Chief Mistress of Louis XIV. My pedigree is impeccable.
The Butler: (intones) Nell Gwyn.
At the door, in a pose more suited for the stage, demanding all eyes study her from head to toe, stands The Fifth Mistress that I’ve invited to the soiree, on the suggestion of Miss Dare.
*Squawk* Oranges! *Squawk*
Lady B: That name sounds familiar.
Madame de Montespan: So that is the renowned Nell Gwyn, comedienne, mistress to the English king, and self proclaimed, Protestant wh-
Lady B: (interrupting quickly while covering Albert’s ears) No, Madame, I assure you, she is not one of the monarch’s paramours.
Sabrina: Actually, Lady B, she was. Only she was mistress to Charles II. For Mme. de Montespan, she would have been a contemporary.
Lady B: Ah yes, that is how I know the name. Albert is cryptic but correct. She started out selling oranges.
Nell Gwyn: No need to talk about me as if I weren’t in the room. Who are you? Are we putting on a performance? I’ve never seen such a motley array of clothing.
Marie D’Agoult: (with a sniff) Another commoner. And aiming for a king. I am not so mercenary in love. To inspire a man to artistic greatness, That is what I long for. A higher calling, a ––
Marie Duplessis: I never try to inspire a man. I simply do.
Nell Gwyn: What a bunch of cows. There is an art to being a mistress, especially a royal one. And I assure you, while Love is all well and good, and my King most certainly loves me, any woman who doesn’t recognize the importance of material good is either a liar or a (redacted by Sabrina) fool.
Lady B: Do not repeat that, Albert.
Mme. de Montespan: (taking charge) A royal mistress must be a general in the battlefield of love.
Lady B: I find that true in the ballroom as well. Young ladies these days can’t hang around the sidelines and wait to be chosen. Strategy is everything and I should know.
*Squawk* Charge! *Squawk*
Lady B keeps hinting about her past. I’m very curious.
Lady B: Well, as this is to be an informative and improving afternoon, perhaps some of my guests have questions for these women?
Yes, ask questions! Please help us avert disaster and keep these ladies occupied!
Aug 22, 2011
1:21 am
Chere Sabrina,
C’est un plaisir de rencontrer toutes ces maîtresses célèbres.
Bravo!
Julianna
Aug 22, 2011
8:32 am
“If I merely wanted to talk to noblewomen of loose morals, I could easily have done so in the ballroom amongst our own society.” Hee. And yes indeed, we’ll have no gentlemen of “small stature” in our ballroom. Their mistresses are welcome, of course, but are likely to be teased mercilessly.
Mistresses certainly seem like volatile and strong-willed ladies. I love it!
Question for you, Sabrina. What happened to a mistress when she fell out of bed- er- favor with her protector, that is?
Aug 22, 2011
12:47 pm
Looking around the room. Which lady would like to field this question?
Actually, although I refrained from inviting Mary Robinson due to the sensitive nature of domestic politics, when that poor actress both fell out of the graces of the Prince of Wales in 1780 he reneged on his promise of 20,000 pounds. She was unable to renew a career in the theatre after he left her for another.
Aug 22, 2011
9:36 am
What a fun way to kick off a Monday! These ladies sure don’t hesitate to voice their opinions, do they?
Sabrina, being a mistress seems to be a very lonely existence. Did historical mistresses or courtesans find friendship among their own kind or was competition (or social ranking within their circle) too fierce to allow that?
Aug 22, 2011
12:54 pm
I believe for some women it was a very lonely life, but others were part of a vibrant society. Marie Duplessis ran a well regarded salon in Paris. Comtesse D’Agoult perhaps had a more difficult time as she had divorced her husband to have the affair with Liszt.
Aug 22, 2011
10:23 am
I never try to inspire a man. I simply do.
This line slayed me!
Oh my goodness, what scandalous-yet-edifying gathering for Lady B. And for Albert.
And hooray for adding Nell Gwyn! She seems just the sort of straight-talking, saucy woman who would perk up any gathering. No party could be boring with her around. Sort of a Restoration-era Mae West.
My question to the mistresses would be:
What is the key to attracting and holding the attention of an extremely powerful man? Surely beauty and physical charms only go so far. There are many beautiful women and only a handful of royal mistresses.
(specifics and demonstrations welcome)
Aug 22, 2011
1:03 pm
It takes a special kind of woman to be immortalized by a tragic opera.
Ladies? Beyond beauty, how did you attract your respective men?
Marie Walewska:Purity of spirit
Nell Gwyn: Hah! That’s likely, who is this fool? Fun, saucy fun. No weepy willows or spiteful cows.
Marie Duplessis: Charm, wit and intelligence.
Comtesse D’Agoult: Independence.
Madame de Montespan: Great knowledge, a watchful eye, and strategy.
Aug 22, 2011
10:39 am
What delicious and naughty conversations, Sabrina.
I have a question for Mme d’Agoult. Did she see the movie Impromptu (one of my favorites.)? If so, how did she feel about her portrayal by Bernadette Peters (I can’t believe anyone would mind being played by Bernadette Peters)? Did she really try to seduce Hugh Grant – er – Chopin?
Aug 22, 2011
1:09 pm
Marie d’Agoult: (blinking, and I suspect in confusion at the strange names and the foreign word “movie”) Chopin, yes Chopin dedicated his second piano etudes to me. How dear of him!
I shall interrupt to say that *I* saw that movie and adore it!!! And in my opinion, she did.
Aug 22, 2011
11:03 am
What fun Sabrina!
Now is one of those times when I wished I had picked French as my foreign language in middle/high school instead of Spanish!
My question for the mistresses are this (and hopefully this won’t be a stupid question): What was your relationship like with the wife of your protector? It seems you ladies live your lives as mistresses quite publicly, so the wives couldn’t pretend ignorance. Were relations frosty, or were they actually relieved to have their husbands’ amourous attentions turned elsewhere?
Also, did any of you have children from the relationship? And if so, how did you deal with that, and how were they treated?
Aug 22, 2011
1:24 pm
I studied Spanish as well, so thank goodness for the Romance book foreign language translator!
I know that Marie d’Agoult had three children in the four years she was with Liszt, and many of the other ladies had children as well.
But I believe the perfect person to answer this question in her own words is Madame de Montespan.
Mme. de Montespan:
The King’s wife was forced early on to accept that her husband would have mistresses and we often shared the same society. No matter how many other women grace his bed, it is important to maintain the position of favorite in his affections.
I bore my king seven children, of which four, legitimized by their father, survived childhood. They bear the name de Bourbon and I am certain will go on to have important marriages.
Aug 22, 2011
1:11 pm
She would have you believe it’s easy to just “inspire a man”. Not always the case my dears. Some men require quite a bit more inspiration than others. There are those who aren’t inspired no matter what you try to do.
Ladies who inspire operas are notorious, not immortalized. Really ladies..and I use that term out of respect for Lady B…tell the way things really are. *fluttering fan as I look for a place to sit*
Aug 22, 2011
5:17 pm
Euphemisms please!
Aug 22, 2011
8:18 pm
I’m certain Miss Darby’s ears aren’t that innocent..*smiling*. However, mistress of the king is no different than mistress of the local butcher. Services are exchanged for items. Whether the items are jewels..and that necklace is divinely expensive Miss Gwyn…or a home. Bills paid at your modiste or the milliners. It’s not as if you are their mistress out of love or fondness, though that can happen on the rare occasion. Generally one becomes a mistress to gain something.
Aug 22, 2011
9:50 pm
Thank you for defending me, Miss Adkins. My ears are definitely (and somewhat proudly?) less than innocent! But as a guest in Lady B’s home, I am on my best behaviour.
And I definitely agree. Aside from the rare situation, women become mistresses because there is something they want, be it financial security, political influence, or revenge(romance book plot anyone?) I suspect even our Comtesse D’Agoult desired some sort of ephemeral artistic currency from her affair with Liszt.
Aug 22, 2011
2:57 pm
What a deliciously intriguing conversation!
I have a friend who could clearly use some relationship advice. Perhaps you might give me some pointers I could pass on to her.
Miss Q is a quiet type, in general more devoted to her studies than to frivolity. As so often happens to young women, her family lost much of their fortune due to a predilection for cards, drink, and ahem… The lack of a dowry limits her choices on the marriage mart and Miss Q means to try her luck in another sphere. If she can amass enough capital, there is a certain scheme she has in mind which might solve her financial difficulties for the future.
Miss Q has narrowed down the gentlemen she wishes to negotiate with to three prospects.
The first, Mr. W, was the man who introduced her to the delights of the flesh before leaving home. He has returned with sufficient wealth to meet her immediate needs, yet she is unsure whether she can renew a relationship with him without giving in to anger. Then too, she worries that having had a taste so to speak of her delights, he will no longer be motivated to pay for what he once gained freely.
Her second candidate is a man she has admired for years. Lord N has a decidedly scientific bent and his treatises inspire Miss Q’s own studies. Additionally, Lord N’s appearance could soften the most dedicated spinster. I am sure Lady B will have noticed his legs on the few occasions he graces society. Miss Q’s one qualm comes from her friendship with Lady H who she suspects has a tendre for Lord N even if Lord N has never looked on that lady with the slightest interest.
The third possible protector is Mr. A Although the wealthiest of the three, Miss Q is leery of Mr. A’s reputation. He had shown interest in marrying her before her family’s fortunes had dwindled. If she could not stomach the idea of facing those cold blue eyes in her bed then, should she warm to them now?
And finally, Miss R has offered to teach Miss Q the finer points of cards in the hopes that Miss Q can finance her future at the card tables without placing her future in the hands of a man. While Miss R has not stated her reasons, I believe she does not consider Miss Q up to the challenge of living life as a successful mistress. She implied that she could picture Miss Q older, abandoned by society and her protector, destitute and dying of consumption in a garret.
Ladies, what do you advise?
Aug 22, 2011
6:06 pm
Hello Fiona,
In my humble opinion
Mr W is clearly a scoundrel, teaching her the pleasures of the flesh and then leaving,
Choosing Lord N might cause a row with Lady H and we ladies need to stick together,
Mr A sounds intriguing. What kind of reputation? Warming those cold blue eyes up might be interesting. Maybe Miss Q could use her new card skills to catch his eye. *g*
Aug 22, 2011
6:24 pm
My dear Fiona,
This Miss Q does not need mistresses to tell her she is most certainly on the wrong path. I suspect something amiss in this tale.
*squawk* Indubitably. Putai–awk! *squawk*
However Beebs is quite correct and your Miss Q’s best chance is with Mr. A. Any woman worth her salt (which perhaps your *friend* is not) would be able to bring a past suitor–still unmarried–up to snuff.
The fate of dying destitute and in a garret is hardly picturesque.
Aug 22, 2011
8:20 pm
A fate of dying honestly, whether that be in a home own by a man you aren’t married to, or alone in that garret, is much desired.
Aug 22, 2011
9:52 pm
Honestly is good. I’ll admit, I read Mr. A as very Darcy-esque and appealing as such. I wonder if Lady B did too?
Aug 22, 2011
9:55 pm
Nell would you mind taking a short stroll with me away from these other harpies? I must say that you may have been a flower girl as a child but I quite admire you. I’ve seen you at some of the King’s banquets but never had a chnace to let you know how much I admire your art of keeping the peace during those events. In fact I felt at times you acted more the lady than the so called ladies there, much like the ones in that other room today if I may say so. I don’t see you passing judgement on them except for their poor choices of husbands. Not at all like my dear Lord Hastings.
Now, if I could just have a little bit of advice from you. He’s has seemed a little disinterested of late and I wondered if you did you ever had that probl em with the King when he was “out of sorts” so to say?
Dear Ms. Gwyn, of course you can’t give me particulars but perhaps just a suggestion or two? Oh dear, here comes Mrs. B. If she asks just tell her I was pointing our the retiring room to you, won’t you? Thanks my dear that would be wonderful. She walking away and you were just about to say what to my question?
Aug 23, 2011
12:19 am
Nell Gwyn: Lord Hastings is your husband? Be bold. Tell him what you want. And if he’s *squawk*Oranges! *squawk**squawk*Oranges! *squawk* then you wait him out.