Since I am the guest judge on Project Runway I have to send someone home. Dear me, how sad. Unlike the Patronesses of a certain establishment that shall remain nameless, I like to welcome all to my Ballroom. It gives me no pleasure to send an unfortunate young lady home without any supper.
<squawk> I’ll give her a lobster patty <squawk>
Darling Albert, always so kind. First the happy news. None of these costumes are, to put it kindly, in the height of good taste, but there is one that garnered several qualified plaudits. I liked it myself, though I recommend the young lady add peacock gloves, trim a foot or two off her feather …
The young lady, Albert, not you. …trim her feather and acquire a fichu. On second thoughts that might be a pity. Dressed as she is she will be much in demand among the Bachelors in The Ballroom. Without more ado, I grant Lady K an invitation to the next ball.
[Lady K blushes, curtsies, and leaves for the supper room on the arm of a handsome but tortured duke]
Now for the Bottom Three. Ladies A, C, and H. Please come to the runway. Oh, dear me, what a tragic waste of ingenuity and cloth has gone into these ensembles.
Lady A. Your garment is more suitable for a Church Synod than a ballroom and a young lady does not wish to appear bearded unless she is an attraction at a fair.
Lady C. Your hat looks like a coal scuttle and the yellow finger marks on your bosom just won’t do.
Lady H. When selecting trimmings at the haberdasher’s there’s no need to purchase the entire contents of the shop. Leave some for the other ladies.
And now to announce the …. what’s that Miranda? [Miranda whispers]. Miranda tells me the costume with the most votes for the Auf is Lady A. [Miranda whispers again]. She also tells me that by Project Runway tradition the audience never agrees with result, but gains a good deal of pleasure excoriating the judges on the Twitter and around something called a water cooler. I trust no one will have the ill breeding to excoriate me, but I always like to observe local custom. Therefore…Lady H, Please leave the runway.
Albert, your German is excellent. You say it.
<squawk> Auf Wiedersehn <squawk>