I’m in a hurry because Lord B is taking me to the opera. No, I will not tell you which box we’ll be in. I don’t wish the vulgarly curious to be staring at us during a performance of Mr. Beethoven’s Don Giovanni. What’s that? Miranda says Don Giovanni is by Mr. Mozart. Really, who cares? Isn’t not as though one goes to the opera for the music.

I’m here to announce the finalists of the Project Runway parlor game.

Two ladies garnered the most praise, by a very long way. Lady J and Lady F. I agree that both ensembles are attractive and tasteful yet have that certain je ne sais quoi that would please Lord Manly. Miranda thinks Lady J, though elegant, might be more comfortable wearing a brazier. I cannot imagine why a lady would wish to wear an iron basket of burning coals so I shall ignore her. I often find ignoring Miss Neville is the wiser course.

Since we need a “top 3″ Lady D joins the other ladies…

<squawk> my feathers <squawk>

Yes, Albert darling. But don’t worry. Lady D can leave the runway. She isn’t the winner

Now, for the bottom three. This was difficult. Four ladies received equal votes so I had to make the determination, as is my right as Supreme Empress of The Ballroom.

Lady K: An ensemble suitable for the late French Queen Marie Antoinette if she had no taste and retained her head.

Lady G: While I appreciate the splash – no the deluge – of color, ladders should be outdoors and made of wood. The sapphires are wasted. Also I prefer my coal scuttles made of metal and not on my head.

Lady H: Take a double dose of laudanum, my dear. You’ll feel much better and so will we.

After taking advice from the divine Mrs. Timothea Gunne, who now has a permanent invitation to all my balls, I pronounce Lady J the winner. off you go with Lord Manly, my dear, and try to keep that gown on until you are married.

I don’t enjoy this bit at all. It is my sad duty to send one of the ladies home without supper.

<squawk> not me <squawk>

Lady K, please leave The Ballroom. Au revoir. I hope to see you one day milking cows in Green Park.

Under lady b, miranda, Regency Project Runway