Dec
Choice Gossip & Choices in Gossip
Last year I bribed Albert to give me a sneak-peek at Lady B’s Christmas letter. I discovered that our esteemed hostess was not above embellishing the news of her myriad relations in order to provide her friends with sensational Christmas morning reading. This year she kept Albert locked up and I was forced to recruit Monty and Harold as spies. While Monty had his latest black eye attended to, Harold swiped Lady B’s draft and brought it to me hidden in his large toucan’s beak.
The sheet of paper was a little chewed up so I wasn’t sure I had read everything correctly. Until I discovered a copy of People magazine that one of the Authoresses had brought through the time-space continuum and left in the downstairs water closet. It appears that Lady B has been drawing on outside inspiration.
We can only guess which version of the various on dits will make the cut. I will let the Ballroom denizens make their choices and attempt to influence the final decision.
My cousin the Countess of Fecundlake was lately brought to bed. Since the last time I saw her she had swollen to the size of a small pony, I was not surprised to learn she had given birth to triplets, all daughters, much to the distress of Lord F.
My cousin Ferdie Moylan-Hazwell (pronounced Marzipan-Hatbox for those ignorant of the English language) recently made a surprising announcement.
Gels these days have no idea how to behave. In my day we merely danced, flirted, and exchanged opinion on the legs of the best-looking rakes.
It has come to my attention that a group of dandies held a contest to decide on the most fashionably garbed lady in London.
Duchess of Cambridge (Regency style)
Seriously readers. Do we have any doubt who Lady B will pick for the last one?
Lady B: Miss Neville?
Miranda: Yes, Lady B. (I thrust the Toucan-mangled letter into my reticule)
Lady B: Do you know the Duchess of Cambridge? Prinny’s brother Adolphus married Princess Augusta of Hesse-Cassel. The dear princess has no notion of color and goes in for Excessive Flounces. Not well-dressed at all. And to my knowledge she has never been known as Kate.
<squawk> pert bosoms <squawk>
Miranda: Kate, though a Noble name, doesn’t sound very Hesse-Cassel to me.
Lady B: What about Miss Victoria Beckham?
Miranda: She used to be a Spice Girl, runs a dress designing business and is married to a soccer player.
Lady B: What is soccer? Don’t answer that. The woman is In Trade and Does Not Count. I am not worried.
Miranda: What were you worried about?
Lady B: Nothing. Not a thing. I must go. I have a letter to write.
What’s the most exciting news that will/would appear in your Christmas letter this year?
Dec 10, 2012
8:25 am
My cousin, Jill, loves to do these letters and you would think that her personality is like that of my cousins, Judy and Linda, going by the letter. When meeting the three in person, the one you would want to spend the most time with IS Jill – especially over Judy and Linda. The letter makes Jill look so stuffy and (for lack of a bettter term) foo – foo, when she is open and down to earth. I think because of this, I don’t do those letters.
But, that isn’t answering the question, is it? When I think of what I would put in the letter, I would probably put Mom and I went to Ocean City, NJ in May and found out that we DO need to join a gym because exercise and change of diet is a MUST and not a MAYBE. I have found out that because of this change of diet, I have lost weight and can move. My dream is walking that boardwalk next year, but forces like Hurricane Sandy have hampered it. Luckily for Ocean City, it made it through the storm with little damage. Meanwhile, at my house, Mom and I lived through 4 days of no power. It got mighty cold and joints got stiff, but besides throwing out over a hundred dollars worth of meat in the freezer, we got so much better off than others.
Sometimes I think when you write the truth, it does seem a bit dramatic and all about me. But then, who doesn’t think about themselves? Since I am a bit long winded, IF I did a letter, it would be a page of each event that happened to me.
Dec 10, 2012
11:58 am
LOL, Jamie. Of course everyone thinks about themselves. It’s a biological survival mechanism.
I’m glad you didn’t get hard hit by Sandy and very happy for your resolution this year. Here’s the walking the entire boardwalk next year!
Dec 10, 2012
1:48 pm
Jamie: Living through Sandy is a lot more drama than most of us have to report! Congratulations on making those efforts for your good health. There is nothing more important.
Dec 10, 2012
9:41 am
Great post Miranda!
I don’t do Christmas letters because usually I figure no one else besides me cares about what happened during the last year, and those who would know about it already, lol.
I think if I were to write a letter, the most exciting news would probably be that I’ve taken major steps in pursuing a romance writing career. I joined RWA last year, and attended this year’s conference in Anaheim where I had an amazing time and met so many awesome people (including the authoresses here!
) Also, I am weeks away from completing the first draft of my first novel! A lot is at stake, and failure is not an option, so it shall be done.
In addition, I’ve also started a blog called Teatime Romance with some other romance authors pursuing publication. We’re still small and building our readership, but it’s been a lot of fun!
Then there was the 3-4 day period where I lost power during Sandy, but while exciting, doesn’t belong in a Christmas letter.
Dec 10, 2012
11:59 am
Congratulations on all the strides you’ve made toward establishing a romance writing career, Lisa!
Dec 10, 2012
1:51 pm
That’s quite a year, Lisa! Keep writing and you’ll get to the end of the book. It was great seeing you in Anaheim, and again last week at Lady Jane’s Salon.
Dec 10, 2012
5:02 pm
Lisa, I am so happy for you on being so near the end of finishing your manuscript! Woot!
Bravo!
Gaelen
Dec 10, 2012
10:53 am
We’ve added to the family–a new grandson and a new son-in-law–so that tops our Christmas letter news. Fun column; thanks.
Dec 10, 2012
12:00 pm
Congratulations, LSUR!!! What great news!
Dec 10, 2012
1:52 pm
Yay! It’s so lovely when the family acquires new members, especially babies
Dec 10, 2012
5:01 pm
Yaaay! Congrats!
Dec 10, 2012
12:03 pm
I’m with Lisa concerning holiday newsletters. In fact, the short story “Newsletter” by Connie Willis is just about one of my favorite Christmas stories ever and I recommend it enthusiastically to everybody. But if I were to write a holiday newsletter this year I wouldn’t even know where to begin deciding what the biggest piece of news is. It’s been a very busy, crazy, hectic year and honestly I’m just glad it’s over. On to 2013 with haste, I say!
Dec 10, 2012
1:55 pm
Writing a Christmas letter is something I often contemplate but only once achieved. And it was a spoof, like The Onion reporting on my life. I know how crazy the year has been for you. Busy is good but one needs time to recharge.
Dec 10, 2012
2:05 pm
Loved this post, Miranda – so clever!!
I never really have much to tell but this year I enjoyed the delight of being named a member of the first ever super readers called Avon Addicts. My blog has done exceptionally better than I ever expected in its first year and I am a winner of the NaNoWriMo 2012 plus I just submitted that same novel written in a month to Avon so – a bit of news. Other than that, the same ol’ same ol’!!
Which is why I don’t do a Christmas letter. ; )
Dec 10, 2012
5:46 pm
And a great Avon Addict you were too, Amy:)
Congratulations on winning NaNoWriMo & good luck with the submission.
Dec 10, 2012
10:14 pm
Congrats on the NaNoWriMo win, Amy!
Dec 10, 2012
3:30 pm
I concur — Kate is a very Noble name, Miranda!
While Christmas letters aren’t really my thing (as a devotee of social media, I feel like I know everything everyone has to say already) if I were to write one, 2012 would come off as a year of changes — but good ones!
Dec 10, 2012
4:18 pm
Kate, getting married is a huge change – hope they’ve all been good ones. : )
Dec 10, 2012
4:57 pm
Miranda Neville is
a. insane
b. one of the funniest people I know
c. all of the above
I love your posts, M. but I digress…
Dec 10, 2012
5:55 pm
Thanks, Gaelen. You’re a bit “all of the above” yourself
Dec 10, 2012
5:01 pm
Now that I’m done lmao at the questions, I think my most exciting news for the year would be the release of The Lost Heir.
We got our first snail mail fan letter the other day from a kid reader. Too cute for words.
It’s been a busy year, that’s for sure. I’m glad I started keeping a daily log of what I did every day (to track my writing productivity) because it’s one way of remembering what I did this year and where the heck the time went.
Gaelen
Dec 10, 2012
5:57 pm
Congrats on your first self-publishing venture. Keeping a log sounds like a really good idea. Might keep me off the internet.
Dec 10, 2012
7:22 pm
Great gossip, Miranda!
Of course, I had to vote for the one involving ratafia and Hatchards.
But I was astounded that anyone would not vote for Lady B in the most fashionable category! I mean, hello… WE are here, not at Kate or Victoria Beckham’s parties. How fashionable can they be?
Dec 13, 2012
2:00 am
i have a question (well really a few). Why is it that none of the names are pronounce as they are spell (they are funny as can be)? What is Avon Addicts?